It's Official! I'm a Terrorist Threat!
And how, I hear you cry, (or not, as the case may be) is that exactly? Well...wait for it... I nearly brought civilised world to a standstill with... a fruitcake.
Ah, yes, you see they wouldn't expect a fruitcake, would they? And, just to make sure, I planned this offence to take place on a flight.. from Guernsey!
But I was foiled.
I got through Gatwick absolutely no problem. Then, on the way back, I was pulled to one side going through security. After much muttering, I was ordered to open my bag. The security officer pulled out various pieces of underwear and such delights as Christmas socks and tissues, with which I had been regaled by my family, until they found, tucked away in the bottom of my ruck sack, the offending fruitcake, disguised in foil wrapping.
"What's that?" he demanded.
"It's a fruitcake."
"Is it now?"
"Yes."
He tutted so I added helpfully "my aunt made it for me."
He made me unwrap it, then took it off me.
"You know you're supposed to put this sort of thing in see-through wrapping?"
"I thought that was toothpaste?"
"Yes. That should have been in a see-through, resealable bag."
I said "It was," and held up my exam old pencil case to reveal my toileteries. "You should have taken it out and presented it to me. It shouldn't have gone through the machine."
I didn't bother to argue. He turned back to the fruitcake.
"You're not supposed to carry food."
"I thought that was liquids."
"Or liquids."
I didn't have any liquids.
He sighed.
"It's people like you who hold up everyone else."
I looked around. There was one elderly lady behind me who didn't look especially held up.
"I'm going to have to confiscate this."
"It is just fruitcake."
He ignored me.
"We regard potential threats to national security very seriously. You're lucky we are allowing you onto the plane."
I almost asked if there had been a recent surge in cake-based terrorism that had not yet been leaked to the media, but felt that, under the circumstances, it was best to keep quiet.
So that was my trip back on Monday.
Ah, yes, you see they wouldn't expect a fruitcake, would they? And, just to make sure, I planned this offence to take place on a flight.. from Guernsey!
But I was foiled.
I got through Gatwick absolutely no problem. Then, on the way back, I was pulled to one side going through security. After much muttering, I was ordered to open my bag. The security officer pulled out various pieces of underwear and such delights as Christmas socks and tissues, with which I had been regaled by my family, until they found, tucked away in the bottom of my ruck sack, the offending fruitcake, disguised in foil wrapping.
"What's that?" he demanded.
"It's a fruitcake."
"Is it now?"
"Yes."
He tutted so I added helpfully "my aunt made it for me."
He made me unwrap it, then took it off me.
"You know you're supposed to put this sort of thing in see-through wrapping?"
"I thought that was toothpaste?"
"Yes. That should have been in a see-through, resealable bag."
I said "It was," and held up my exam old pencil case to reveal my toileteries. "You should have taken it out and presented it to me. It shouldn't have gone through the machine."
I didn't bother to argue. He turned back to the fruitcake.
"You're not supposed to carry food."
"I thought that was liquids."
"Or liquids."
I didn't have any liquids.
He sighed.
"It's people like you who hold up everyone else."
I looked around. There was one elderly lady behind me who didn't look especially held up.
"I'm going to have to confiscate this."
"It is just fruitcake."
He ignored me.
"We regard potential threats to national security very seriously. You're lucky we are allowing you onto the plane."
I almost asked if there had been a recent surge in cake-based terrorism that had not yet been leaked to the media, but felt that, under the circumstances, it was best to keep quiet.
So that was my trip back on Monday.
posted by RLS at 3:59 pm
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