Journey to the Centre of the Earth...well, Battersea

"Look out for a low-rise" she said, then reconsidering, "actually it's kind of a medium-rise."

A medium-rise? In South London? Are you kidding? It's hardly going to stand out, is it? And this is made worse by the fact that Battersea appears to be completely inaccessible from just about everywhere.

I can't even get out of Elephant. I have to dodge two students who seem to be pretending to beat the crap out of each other with wooden poles (I presume it's Art), then as usual I get lost in the underpass. (I'm convinced the Elephant and Castle underpass is like the staircases in Harry Potter: the tunnels move when I'm not looking.)

I finally get there via some bizarre bus route that seems to meander through several industrial estates, then I realise that I am in fact in Battersea. Battersea is basically just that: a big industrial estate with a dogs home and a park (what more could one want?) and rows of those lovely mews houses I can never afford.

As it turns out her "medium-rise" isn't hard to find at all: as I approach I can see cartoons of milk on the window sills and a traffic cone and shopping trolley in the garden: this place can only be inhabited by students. From here things are esay. I meet the person I was meant to meet, and within half an hour I have been shown "student room with metal bed and grafitti" ("art"), "student common room with pool table with no balls" and "student dining room with unidentifiable meat dish that will be curry tomorrow." They are selling the hall next year. Shame. It's just what a hall should be.

But going home is even more fun. I get the number 19 bus (I am obsessed with the number 19 bus. Don't ask me why, I don't really know myself) which goes to Finsbury Park via London's most expensive areas. I always feel this must be a bit of kick in the teeth for passengers who live in Finsbury Park, going down the King's Road on an old Routemaster knowing the most exclusive shop where you live is the Tesco Metro. I have a friend who lives off the King's Road. I once told someone she lived ON the King's road and she got very indignant. Apparently living OFF the King's road is important, presumably as it separates the unspeakably rich from those simply not on the same planet as the rest of us.

So anyway, if you have a spare couple of hours, take the number 19 bus to Battersea, realise just how poor you really are.

Take care
Px