Breaking Up is Hard to Do
I'm in the wrong job. It seems that the biggest growth industry isn't higher education at all; it's the rise of the Divorce Party.
This trend hit the news a few months ago with some rather fascinating pictures of "Divorce Cakes." Apparently it's now the In Thing to have a good old celebration to toast the end of a beautiful relationship - a sort of stag/hen do in reverse. I can see, on the one hand, that a spot of booze-fuelled communal vitriol might help in such circumstances - think of it, perhaps as Marriage Guidance's contemptuous cousin. At the same time, though, you can't help thinking it's that the party planners and greetings card designers, cake makers and DJs of this world are rubbing their hands in glee and thinking "Kerching!"
Yes, DJs. For music is, it seems, key to the successful divorce party. Google it, and frankly it opens up a whole new world you probably never knew existed. One DJ casually remarks "Here's a selection of the songs I get asked for most often", which begs the question: How often do you do this?!?
There are chat forums to help you choose "suitable" music for your post-divorce knees-up (because heaven forbid you should choose something inappropriate - oh, think of the shame!) Now I know i'm easily amused, but I did laugh out loud when, after skimming through lots of militant feminist posts extolling the virtues of Gloria Gaynor, and lots of embittered souls oozing with fury and waxing lyrical about any songs that touched on partner homicide, someone called Ellie chirpily if mystifyingly wrote "I chose the theme to Hawaii 5-0 to open my divorce party." Of course you did. Um...why was that exactly?
I guess the sort of music you choose very much depends on a number of factors, and what sort of mood you want to go for - philosophical, celebratory, vengeful, full of relief or mournful, or perhaps a combination of all of these (tricky things, emotions.) So here's a little snippet from the cheerful world of Divorce Party planners, from the comfortingly nostalgic to the gently uplifting to the frankly scary.
I Will Survive
Don’t Look Back in Anger
Suspicious Minds
The Winner Takes it All
I Hope You Die (The Bloodhound Gang at their very finest)
Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me (nothing like bit of Morrissey to cheer you up.)
Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off (Probably a bit late for that if you're already marking the divorce)
D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Tainted Love
Torn
Too Much, Too Little, Too Late
It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To (nothing like having a good sulk to sort things out)
Good Riddance
Don't Marry Her (Sound advice a tad too late?)
Sisters are Doin’ It For Themselves
I Feel Like a Woman
I Want To Break Free
Every Breath You Take (I always found this song more than a little creepy)
All By Myself (ahhh nothing like having a good wallow)
Breaking Up is Hard to Do (but presumably you managed it)
Cry me a River
I Shall be Released
Forever Young
Diamonds and Rust
I rather liked the little foray into the world of Joan Baez at the end, but I think I've hit on an even better idea. Screw the DJ (actually don't, that would look like being on the rebound and ultimately be a bit tacky) - how about some live music instead? I can recommend the following ditties by Mitch Benn and Bill Bailey.
In the defence of the whole shebang, one of the (only) funny moments of the otherwise unimpressive Phoenix Nights spin-off that was Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere was an episode where a spurned lover performs a heartfelt karaoke rendition of "The First Cut Is The Deepest", so I wonder if there's a market somewhere in divorce and break up-themed karaoke venues. Anyway, do feel free to suggest some songs for this, so that, in the event of my employer including me in its "rationalisation process" (i.e. firing me) I can consider this as a new career option. Oh and just in case you were wondering, by the way, no, I'm not. My hairdresser did innocently ask, when I said I was married last year, if I was still "with him". What's more she seemed distinctly underwhelmed when I said I was, and proceeded to tell me about various clients who all got married "too soon", or "out of convenience" or "out of desperation". We live in quite a bleak and hopeless little world, really.
Night night.
x
This trend hit the news a few months ago with some rather fascinating pictures of "Divorce Cakes." Apparently it's now the In Thing to have a good old celebration to toast the end of a beautiful relationship - a sort of stag/hen do in reverse. I can see, on the one hand, that a spot of booze-fuelled communal vitriol might help in such circumstances - think of it, perhaps as Marriage Guidance's contemptuous cousin. At the same time, though, you can't help thinking it's that the party planners and greetings card designers, cake makers and DJs of this world are rubbing their hands in glee and thinking "Kerching!"
Yes, DJs. For music is, it seems, key to the successful divorce party. Google it, and frankly it opens up a whole new world you probably never knew existed. One DJ casually remarks "Here's a selection of the songs I get asked for most often", which begs the question: How often do you do this?!?
There are chat forums to help you choose "suitable" music for your post-divorce knees-up (because heaven forbid you should choose something inappropriate - oh, think of the shame!) Now I know i'm easily amused, but I did laugh out loud when, after skimming through lots of militant feminist posts extolling the virtues of Gloria Gaynor, and lots of embittered souls oozing with fury and waxing lyrical about any songs that touched on partner homicide, someone called Ellie chirpily if mystifyingly wrote "I chose the theme to Hawaii 5-0 to open my divorce party." Of course you did. Um...why was that exactly?
I guess the sort of music you choose very much depends on a number of factors, and what sort of mood you want to go for - philosophical, celebratory, vengeful, full of relief or mournful, or perhaps a combination of all of these (tricky things, emotions.) So here's a little snippet from the cheerful world of Divorce Party planners, from the comfortingly nostalgic to the gently uplifting to the frankly scary.
I Will Survive
Don’t Look Back in Anger
Suspicious Minds
The Winner Takes it All
I Hope You Die (The Bloodhound Gang at their very finest)
Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me (nothing like bit of Morrissey to cheer you up.)
Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off (Probably a bit late for that if you're already marking the divorce)
D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Tainted Love
Torn
Too Much, Too Little, Too Late
It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To (nothing like having a good sulk to sort things out)
Good Riddance
Don't Marry Her (Sound advice a tad too late?)
Sisters are Doin’ It For Themselves
I Feel Like a Woman
I Want To Break Free
Every Breath You Take (I always found this song more than a little creepy)
All By Myself (ahhh nothing like having a good wallow)
Breaking Up is Hard to Do (but presumably you managed it)
Cry me a River
I Shall be Released
Forever Young
Diamonds and Rust
I rather liked the little foray into the world of Joan Baez at the end, but I think I've hit on an even better idea. Screw the DJ (actually don't, that would look like being on the rebound and ultimately be a bit tacky) - how about some live music instead? I can recommend the following ditties by Mitch Benn and Bill Bailey.
In the defence of the whole shebang, one of the (only) funny moments of the otherwise unimpressive Phoenix Nights spin-off that was Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere was an episode where a spurned lover performs a heartfelt karaoke rendition of "The First Cut Is The Deepest", so I wonder if there's a market somewhere in divorce and break up-themed karaoke venues. Anyway, do feel free to suggest some songs for this, so that, in the event of my employer including me in its "rationalisation process" (i.e. firing me) I can consider this as a new career option. Oh and just in case you were wondering, by the way, no, I'm not. My hairdresser did innocently ask, when I said I was married last year, if I was still "with him". What's more she seemed distinctly underwhelmed when I said I was, and proceeded to tell me about various clients who all got married "too soon", or "out of convenience" or "out of desperation". We live in quite a bleak and hopeless little world, really.
Night night.
x
posted by RLS at 9:01 pm
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