The Best of the Rest

Thanks for all your cow suggestions. You are all beautiful people and you should be very proud. Here are just a few for you:

NIETZSCHIAN
The cows are dead.

MR T-ISM
I pity the poor foo' that don't have no cows!

LAKE WOBEGONISM
You have two cows. They are strong and above average, and will one day become the key to a meandering little adventure.

SKEPTICISM
You suspend judgement, for the time being, as to whether or not you have any cows.

YODAISM
Two cows you have

DYSLEXIC ANALYSIS
You have two woks

GUERNSEY
You have two cows. They are Jersey cows. You mock them.

APPLEISM
You have two cows, both are white and shiny. Both of them are touchscreen cows that can only eat apple grass bought from the apple grass store. Everyone else has two cows just like them. You are deeply hip.

MICROSOFTISM
You have two cows, but neither are compatible, one of them just crashed due to bad grass, and the other needs more RAM. They can eat eighty different kinds of grass, and each will make them behave slightly differently.

ENGLISH FOOTBALL
You have two cows. You screw both of them.

BRITISH FARMING
You had a lot of cows. The man from DEFRA burned them. Now you have nothing.

BUDDHISM
You have two cows. They used to be rabbits.

FATALISM
You have two cows, and one day they will die.

THATCHERISM
You have two cows, and a share in a third. Your neighbour has none, and their barn is about to be repossessed. Well done you.

YOUTH CULTURE
You has, like, two cows, you get me? Respect.

NIHILISM
You have two cows, but you don't milk them because they're going to die anyway.

IKEAISM
You have two cows which you assembled yourself. One is missing an udder. The other has three ears. You're not sure how that happened.

ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISM
Someone had two cows, so you invaded their field and set them free. You feel good.

BRITISH BANKING
You have a lot of cows. You squander them. The taxpayer pays for some more.

SOUTH PARKISM
You have two cows. Cows are bad, mm'kay? They trample Kenny and kill him.

ACID TRIP
You have two cows. You're not sure how they got into your apartment. Or why they're pink. Or why they're singing Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell.

POST-ALCOHOL
You think you had two cows last night... you might have lost them on the bus... oh, God, did you really say that to them? Your head hurts...