Reunion

A Millfield Society reunion is a bit like posh speed dating. You work your way around a room, being plied with alcohol as you go, and have brief and inane conversations with people you don't recall ever having met before, but whom you are nevertheless trying to impress. Like speed dating, you can even get briefed beforehand, by reading through the last copy of the Society magazine or going on Friends Reunited to give you an idea what everyone is up to.

At this point you remember why you never kept these people's mobile numbers when you left. It's all very well saying "So, what are you up to now?" but since the answer is invariably something like "I run my own stables" or "I travel" or in one case "I moved to Ireland so I could carry on hunting" (which I would argue doesn't answer the question), it does rather leave you unsure of what to say next.

There is a small group of people whose numbers I genuinely intended to keep but which I lost when my phone was stolen, and most of them obviously looked at Friends Reunited like me and thought better of going. It takes me about five minutes to find the remaining four, grovel and exchange numbers. At which point my best friend, who lives in London Bridge, and who I see on average once a month, turns up, and we spend the evening filling up each other's glasses and pointing at people.

I haven't remembered much about anyone, but what other people claim to have remembered about me seems to be entirely fictional. About half the people I spoke to thought I was going out with "the weird guy in the white suit", who was in the year above me. The other half seem to be split between those who think I was going out with the son of my English teacher (?) the two of three who have actually met my partner, and an inexplicable handful who failed to ever go out with me and thus think I'm a lesbian(?!) Then there was one who didn't comment either way, but who wouldn't take his eyes off the top of my dress. The conversation went something like: (Me)"Hey, how I are you?" (Him) "Hi! Er... you look.. your dress is really... it really suits you...you look great...er...do you want a beer?"

I did have a lovely time, ultimately because the main iam of these events is to squeeze as much money out of you as possible, and once they discovered I was a welfare adviser people tended to leave me alone. For the record I promise to keep in touch with Jeremy, Alex, Jo, Philip and Jamie. And of course Yangyang.

And it does make you feel better when your taxi fare comes to more than an entire night' spending.