Scaramouche, scaramouche

You have GOT to be kidding me! "Bohemian Rhapsody" is one of the greatest lyrics ever written?

You, The Public have been at it again, failing to understand that picking the best song lyric doesn't necessarily mean you pick the song you sing along to loudest when it comes on the jukebox. But perhaps that's how You've managed to come up with Queen and Abba - yes, you heard me right, Abba - in your list of Great Lyrics.

I will grudgingly agree with you on The Smiths (though I wouldn't necessarily have picked that one) and on Radiohead and, actually, "I predict a Riot" has pretty fine lyrics, as lyrics go. But "Every Breath You Take"? Now those lyrics are just plain creepy.

This has led me to consider the many other fine contributions there have been over the years to Pop Lyricdom (Lyricdom? Lyricity?) Consider, if you will (in no particular order) the good, the bad, and the downright depressing:

1. I don't want to see a ghost, it's the sight that I fear most, I'd rather have a piece of toast and watch the evening news (Des'ree. No comment.)
2. Pink it was love at first sight/pink when I turn out the light/pink it's like red but not quite (Aerosmith)
3.Now we end up takin' the long way home/Lookin' overdressed wearin' buckets of stale cologne (Scissor Sisters)
4.Someone left the cake out in the rain/I don't think that I can take it/'cause it took so long to bake it/And I'll never have that recipe again... Oh, no (Donna Summer)
5.The entire lyrics of "Three is a Magic Number" which largely consists of Danny Macnamara singing the Three Thimes Table.
6. I don't have any skin, but that's just the way it goes (Morrissey, so the jury's still out on that one...)
7. I'm gonna run away somewhere and learn to speak Spanish and start over again. (The Mariachis. I rather like that.)
8.Heaven bend to take my hand/And lead me through the fire/Be the long awaited answer/To a long and painful fight (Sarah McLachlan. Actually the whole thing's pretty good. Less impressed by the notion of One's Love being Better than Ice Cream, though. Particularly as I can't even eat ice cream.)
9. As soon as you're born they make you feel small/by giving you no time instead of it all/til the pain is so big you feel nothing at all. (John Lennon. In his cheerful days.)
10. Where'er we go we celebrate/the land that makes us refugees/for fear of priests with empty plates/from guilt and weeping effigies. (The Pogues. Hmm. Spot the Ex-Catholic.)
11. London Calling (All of it. Now THERE'S a good lyric.)
12. Don't it always seem to go/that you don't know what you've got til it's gone (Joni Mitchell)
13.Mmm bop, ba duba dop - Ba du bop (Hanson. Need I say more?)
14.To either cut down on beer or the kids' new gear/It's a big decision in a town called malice. (The Jam.)
15. The more you ignore me/the closer I get (Morrissey again.)
16. (And while we're at it...) I have forgiven Jesus (again, all of it.)
17. I said Charles, don't you ever crave/To appear on the front of the Daily Mail/Dressed in your Mother's bridal veil? (The Smiths. What a lovely image.)
18.Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know/The rest of my life's been - just a show (Queen. With apologies.)
19. My breath smells of a thousand fags/and when I'm drunk I dance like me dad" (Robbie Williams)
20. City Dweller, successful feller/thought to himself "Whoops! I've got a lot of money" (Blur)
21. Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen (All of it. At least, it was good first time round.)
22. I said pretend you've got no money, she just laughed and said oh you're so funny/I said yeah (Pulp. It helps that one of the colleges I work at is Saint Martins)

So, You the Public, there you have it. Any contributions to the list most welcome.

Do you remember when we used to sing,
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da