Life in a Northern Town
Those aristocratic southerners are not happy. They are not happy because they have had to go North (I know. Isn't it dreadful?) for the horseracing this year.
When I left for work today somebody on the today Programme was bemoaning how dreadful the weather was there. Because obviously it never rains in the South. (We just imagined Wimbledon matches being held up for the last 10 years because of downpours.) The Telegraph of course is up in arms, it not being an option to admit that the North (sharp intake of breath) might actually be able to give the South a run for its money on anything. After all, we're all too busy walking our whippets and making Eccles cakes and buying new flat caps. Aren't we? But this article did make me laugh.
I've never thought of this before, but the term "indecent assault" doesn't make much sense. George Best is suspected of having committed indecent assault, but that kind of implies that if he'd thought carefully about it he could have committed "decent assault" and that would have been ok. It follows that if you can do one you can do the other. Maybe if you assault someone then hold the door open for them afterwards or offer to buy them a gin and tonic that's decent assault.
My parents were married on 28th December 1969. My dad is a Bradford City fan (even though we've just sold Wayne Jacobs to Halifax, I maintain that we are cool, even if only because our scarves are the same as those worn at Hogwarts), so last year we had a combined wedding anniversary/pilgramage to Torquay where Bradford were playing (and won! Which doesn't happen too often.) This year we have made a deal: wherever Bradford are playing before New Year, we're going to go and stay in a posh hotel and go to the match. Trouble is we are now malingering in the Coca-Cola League One (which used to be the Third Division, but they don't call it that now as it makes us feel like losers) so the possible options are not great. Here's a selection of the exciting places in which we could be spending a luxury weekend: Oldham, Brentford, Hartlepool, Bristol, Yeovil (about ten minutes from where my parents live), Swindon, Barnsley, Walsall, Blackpool (actually that could be fun), Rotherham or Scunthorpe. Tough choice. The fixtures are decided next Thursday, and as I am geting them texted direct to my mobile I will make sure you lucky people are the first to know. It also opens a potential career for me in writing the Coca Cola League Official Tourists' Guidebook. Wonder if Lonely Planet would be interested?
Enjoy this terrible Southern rain (you'd never get that in the North).
Px
When I left for work today somebody on the today Programme was bemoaning how dreadful the weather was there. Because obviously it never rains in the South. (We just imagined Wimbledon matches being held up for the last 10 years because of downpours.) The Telegraph of course is up in arms, it not being an option to admit that the North (sharp intake of breath) might actually be able to give the South a run for its money on anything. After all, we're all too busy walking our whippets and making Eccles cakes and buying new flat caps. Aren't we? But this article did make me laugh.
I've never thought of this before, but the term "indecent assault" doesn't make much sense. George Best is suspected of having committed indecent assault, but that kind of implies that if he'd thought carefully about it he could have committed "decent assault" and that would have been ok. It follows that if you can do one you can do the other. Maybe if you assault someone then hold the door open for them afterwards or offer to buy them a gin and tonic that's decent assault.
My parents were married on 28th December 1969. My dad is a Bradford City fan (even though we've just sold Wayne Jacobs to Halifax, I maintain that we are cool, even if only because our scarves are the same as those worn at Hogwarts), so last year we had a combined wedding anniversary/pilgramage to Torquay where Bradford were playing (and won! Which doesn't happen too often.) This year we have made a deal: wherever Bradford are playing before New Year, we're going to go and stay in a posh hotel and go to the match. Trouble is we are now malingering in the Coca-Cola League One (which used to be the Third Division, but they don't call it that now as it makes us feel like losers) so the possible options are not great. Here's a selection of the exciting places in which we could be spending a luxury weekend: Oldham, Brentford, Hartlepool, Bristol, Yeovil (about ten minutes from where my parents live), Swindon, Barnsley, Walsall, Blackpool (actually that could be fun), Rotherham or Scunthorpe. Tough choice. The fixtures are decided next Thursday, and as I am geting them texted direct to my mobile I will make sure you lucky people are the first to know. It also opens a potential career for me in writing the Coca Cola League Official Tourists' Guidebook. Wonder if Lonely Planet would be interested?
Enjoy this terrible Southern rain (you'd never get that in the North).
Px
posted by RLS at 9:20 am
2 Comments:
I think decent assault involves at least a nod to the memory of the Marquis of Queensbury, whereas indecent assault is the province of a different Marquis...
kind of aristocratic, polite assault with a few literary allusions and a bit of satire thrown in that results in a damn good poem. hmm.
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